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Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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